Wild Card Wednesday - THE COMMANDMENTS OF INA

I was browsing the good ole interweb this morning trying to find an answer to something, and of course found myself miles and megabytes away from where I was supposed to be. (!)

But I found this and it made me laugh a lot... Originally it was (obviously) the 10 Commandments of Ina Garten, but there were a few other really funny ones, which I have included too.

(And Ina, if you're reading - I love your show!)

I. Thou shalt only cook with “GOOD PRODUCTS” – good olive oil, good dijon mustard, and good vanilla.

II. Thou shalt always reference “CLASSIC FRENCH TECHNIQUE” whilst folding egg whites or cooking duck.

III. Thou shalt always take photos of your prepared meals, for eventual placement on “THY WEBSITE.”

IV. Thou shalt always refer to Saffron as the “STAMENS OF THE CROCUSES.”

V. Thou shalt honor thy spouse by cooking them chicken every Friday night.

VI. Always remember to ask thyself, “HOW BAD CAN THAT BE?!”

VII. Thou shalt always drive a Mercedes, regardless of income level.

VIII. Thou shalt always speak fondly of The Hamptons, even if thou was carjacked at gunpoint there last summer.

IX. Thou shalt always gently remind others that “THIS IS HOW IT WAS DONE AT BAREFOOT CONTESSA.”

X. Thou shalt keep a minimum of twenty gay male friends at all times.

- Thou Shalt Have Dinner Parties at least Four Times per Week

- Thou Shalt Send Thy Friends Out Driving All Over The Hamptons to do Thy Errands

- Thou Shalt Constantly Remind Thy Viewers "How Easy Was That?"

- Thou Shalt Never Eyeball Salt or Pepper - instead thou shalt measure out every grain.

- Thou Shalt use two kinds of mustard - the smooth for the flavor, and the whole grain "because it looks like mustard".

Presented without comment.

Tuesday Tunes - Ludovico Einaudi

I've been a fan of Ludovico Einaudi ever since his 'Le Onde' made it into the Classic FM Hall of Fame list in 1999. I was in London with my Dad to be interviewed for UCL's Classics programme - with a very nice Professor called Rhiannon Ash - and then we went exploring around Picadilly and Shaftesbury Avenue. I got a copy of Classic FM magazine, and spent most of the next five years getting my hands on - and getting to know - the 300 pieces of music listed as 'The Most Popular' - and have followed the listings relatively faithfully ever since.

Einaudi's piano music is deceptively simple (as I learned when I tried to play it) - and the cd is practically worn out from the number of times I listened to it. My mum loved it too -particularly the track below - and indeed it also got a lot of airplay on cold winter Sunday afternoons in Dublinia, since we could justify it as appropriate given that many of the melodies Einaudi employs are based on medieval themes and melodies. At least, that's what I told everyone. 'Canzone Popolare' cannot be anything but that, surely. Ludovico Einaudi, Burdock's Fish and Chips. The rare auld times!

I've collected several other albums by L.E. over the years since, but Le Onde remains my favourite. Isn't that always the case?

Movie Monday - The King's Speech

I saw this ages ago, I know, but it's splendid. Costumes, lighting, scenography, script - splendid acting - and really brilliant music. Oscars for everybody!

The nominations came out this morning, and I'm not particularly impressed or interested. So you can see the full listing elsewhere ;)

Sunday Spices - Cayenne Pepper

Last week I decided to buy some maple syrup (because I've nearly run out), some lemons (because I always have some fresh to hand) and some cayenne pepper (for this blog post!). The woman at the check-out till asked me if I was planning on doing something called The Master Cleanser. I had to ask her what this was. Apparently it's a diet fad whereon you starve yourself completely, subsisting only on a lemonade made from - you guessed it - maple syrup, water, and cayenne pepper. The other part of the process (which I learned online, not from the lady in Vons) is a sequence of daily salt-water enemas.

I know.

To my friend at Vons I replied that no, I was planning on making maple-fried bacon with french toast, home-made lemon bars, and some spicy roasted potatoes with the staples in my basket. I also had some yoghurt and a bar of chocolate among my groceries, but I don't even want to know what she thought I'd be making with them!!

Anyway - I haven't made the lemon bars yet, but I will - however, eager as I am to spice up my life over the course of these 50 Sundays, I figured I'd acquaint myself with cayenne, since so many Food Network chefs use it to enliven their dishes.

Since I love my roast potatoes so much (olive oil, rosemary, salt) I figured maybe it was time to mix it up a little, so the last time I made some I sprinkled just a hint of this fiery red pepper powder on them. It worked beautifully. Dunno if I'd want to be adding any MORE than I did, but certainly it was a really great flavour addition. Apparently it goes extremely well with chocolate, too. I even found this photo of a Chinese cayenne-pepper KIT KAT. Anyone want to send me one? If I get to try it, I shall keep you posted ;)

Seasonal Saturday - Year of the Satyr!

Chinese New Year is fast approaching, but I have to confess that this year really seems to have been the Year of the Satyr. Alongside the truly phenomenal exhibition at the Getty Villa (sadly it closed two weeks ago, but you can still get the catalogue!) about the Art of Ancient Greek Drama, there has been much attention paid to Satyrs of late.

Michael Hackett's production of fragments - presented at the Villa in November - was a fascinating insight into the frenetic, unknown and exciting world that is mostly lost to us. Tonight I also went to see Psittachus Productions' version of The Cyclops - a ROCK OPERA (!) - which was really exuberant, camp and crazy fun. Not to be missed, certainly.

In a few weeks there's yet more madness, when Poor Dog are presenting THEIR satyric meditations at the Getty Villa. Dionysus help us…

Foodie Friday - Anne Burrell

I LOVE the way Anne Burrell cooks. Although I fear she uses too much salt. Like, WAY too much. But her Italian recipes are so delicious-looking, and her attention to detail and flavour are so enthusiastic, I'm a fan. Flavour action! Garlic destiny! Thank you for coming bowl! Etc.

30 Before 30 #4 - Cirque du Soleil

When I was first in LA in 2002, I bought a book of photographs by Veronique Vial, behind the scenes of Cirque du Soleil's "O" at the Bellagio. It's been a big, big dream of mine ever since to go see it.

When my Dad and I visited Vegas last year, we went instead to the Beatles Show - fair enough, since it was something that we were both very eager to experience. And it's tremendous. But I still really wanted to see O.

And this weekend I did! Thanks to a great bargain I found on the internet (be clever, and resourceful, dear reader - I managed to find 40% discounts!) I managed to get seats in the 3rd row centre. What could be better??

I have to say that despite the awesome sound and music of the Beatles show, the astonishing technical design of Ka, and all the rest, there is a romance and a sadness to O that I found really captivating. By far my favourite Cirque show - and absolutely worth the 9 year wait!!!

It being Vegas, restraint is not an option or even a notion, so Traci and I saw Le Reve and Ka also - both superb shows, and really entertaining and exciting, but I loved O so much that nothing really could compare.

BUT - the item on the 30 Before 30 list was to see all 3 of these, and so it can be crossed off. Hurrah!

Wild Card Wednesday - Confession

I have always dreamed of being an acrobat. Even now when I'm walking down a long corridor I wish that I could somersault all the way along it instead of walking. I completed a very basic gymnastics course when I was tiny - at a summer camp in Crumlin, I think - but haven't really done anything connected to it since.

Is it any wonder I am so intrigued by Cirque du Soleil? I can't even manage a handstand, let alone a cartwheel.

Someday, eh?

It can be on my 31 before 31 :P

Tuesday Tunes - CHER!

That's right.

I saw Cher's Las Vegas show last weekend. I am hoping that it was only a technical hitch that prevented the newly-inserted Burlesque video montage from being inserted (and on the eve of La Stupenda winning a Golden Globe for 'You Haven't Seen The Last of Me', no less!)

The show is enormously good fun, and Cher presides over the insanity like a benevolent alien with chameleonic tendencies. She sings a song - invariably sings the shit out of it - and then disappears while we watch a video montage of some aspect of her general fabulosity. She then reappears on a completely reconfigured stage, in a totally different outfit. And let's face it, that is what we come to see.

Curiously, her audience wasn't the demographic you might imagine (…) - it was mostly middle-aged, fat, mid-Western women. The wives of those men who are in Vegas to gamble. Cher herself commented on this, and hilariously referred to herself as 'the old naked bitch'. For which she has my admiration and respect!

The show was fun, the dancers were incredible (including one guy who did a full somersault FROM ONE FOOT. Twice.), the lady herself did not disappoint, but the audience were pretty unpleasant throughout. My companion and I were discussing this, and I decided that the best way to describe them was "Swine before Pearls".

Another old battle-axe off my list of People To See Live. Maybe THAT should be my 30 before 30?!

Monday Movie - Il Conformista

This week's movie is ultra-cool. For a design class I'm taking at the moment we were advised to watch 'Il Conformista', Bertolucci's quiet but hair-raising take on Mussolini's Italy. It's incredibly beautifully shot, as you might expect, and the way that he interacts between Italian style past and present really makes Julie Taymor look like a total amateur. (I love her 'Titus', with ITS interactions between ideas of Rome, but she doesn't have a hope of competing with the imagery in this film. It's pretty astonishing stuff…)

Speaking of Julie - anyone seen Spiderman?!

Sunday Spices - Vegas Edition

So, this being Vegas, I can't be ordinary and present anything run-of-the-(spice)-mill. So today our Spice (...) of discussion is going to be as extravagant and opulent (and expensive) as this glittering playground in the sand - the truffle.

I've not had much experience of truffles in my life - indeed I think the first time I ever tasted them was at a fancy dinner party thrown by my mate Alec Von Bargen in Tokyo. He had run all over the city trying to find them, and doubtless had to mortgage his internal organs to pay for them.

It's an unusual flavour - I've no idea how I'd approach cooking them. Anything that expensive, I'm cagey about preparing. I am all about trial-and-error - so long as the trials aren't too pricey! And, as blogged previously, I hate waste. So messed up truffles would be a disaster.

Tonight at the MGM, I met my dear and lovely friend Ruth, (Dr. Ruth, indeed), and we had dinner at Wolfgang Puck's restaurant there. We shared a bottle of wine called 'Irony' (how perfect is that?) and then came back two hours later for more food. Splendid all round - but the triumph of the evening was convincing our second waiter to prepare the truffled potato chips with a lighter cheese than the one on the menu. Waiter #1 was no help, but #2 was marvellous. Guess who got a good tip?!

Here are some photos of Ruth and her truffled - delicious - potatoes, Traci and her extravagant dessert, and Ruth and me posing. Viva Las Vegas!

Seasonal Saturday - LAS VEGAS

Well, thanks to MLK Day, this is a long weekend. So - along with a substantial number of UCLA people - I'm heading to Las Vegas!

Observance of the seasons and delicate, nuanced haiku-esque awareness of the passage of time are all well and good, but this trip has been in the making since last summer. Indeed, it was supposed to be my birthday present!

[Happy Birthday to me. ]

Ironically, despite the glitz, awesomely manipulative architecture, 24-hour gambling and general extravagance, I'm thinking I'll spend much of the weekend with my nose in a new book. It's called 'Hidden Buddhas', and get this - it's by Liza Dalby, whose 'East Wind Melts The Ice' is the inspiration for Seasonal Saturdays on this blog!

Full circle. Om. Now for the slot machines....

Foodie Friday - UNAGI!

Monica took me to a sushi restaurant in the Valley some time ago, called Katsyua - it is her favourite place. We all tend to be a little wary of such things, thinking "Oh yeah, sure, your favourite will be just fine for you, but it can't compare to MY favourite..." and so on. Monica WINS. Hands down.

It's a nice small place, you'd never notice it if you weren't looking for it, and the interior is bright. The staff are actually Japanese (don't ask me why, but it's a big deal for me at a Japanese restaurant!) and the green tea comes fast.

I put myself completely in Monica's hands, and she insisted I try some eel and the house specialty, something called rock shrimp. This shrimp comes in a big pile on a plate, slathered in a tomatoey-mayonnaisey-secret sauce. Incredibly good.

BUT the revelation of the night - and what I have happily taken with me for life! - was her insistence on the unagi. I have seen a variety of eels - both electric and not - in my life, and I think they have the lot of being among the most hideous-looking creatures in creation. Needless to say, I had little desire to eat them. I was wrong - clearly their ugliness is compensated in their deliciousness.

I've had unagi nearly every time I've eaten sushi since. (It's cooked - this helps.)

At a rather dingy Japanese restaurant this week I was served a horrifically badly-proportioned order of it, and the eel flesh was cut in such a way that I could see the texture of its insides and even the curvature of the dead animal's body. I honestly thought I would gag on it. But I managed - and it didn't taste bad at all. (Note to US American sushi-preparers - less is more. No, really. Small portions = delicate, appealing, appropriate and better. Thank you.)

30 Before 30 #5 - VEGETABLES

I have a dear friend who absolutely LOVES to make fun of the way I eat. Has done for years. I won't mention her name here because she has no means of defence against this diatribe, but I'm sure anyone who knows me (and her) will know precisely who I mean. And if not, it doesn't matter - the only reason she got to me was because - despite her less-than-decent way of drawing attention to the issue, she was absolutely right. Her major issue is/was with the fact that I seldom show any sign whatsoever of interest in eating vegetables.

And - loud and clear - may I state here that this is only partially true. What I hate are the vegetables with which I am presented in restaurants. Pickles. Coleslaw. Sad-looking lettuce posturing as a 'salad', with a few anaemic tomatoes or something. Disgusting. If I want any of these things, I promise, I will order them. When I don't, I feel it only right to request that they not be brought - it's wasteful, and I'd be much happier knowing that they might end up on the plate of some other, less crazy diner.

I also hate salads. Hate them. I am not a rabbit, and I somehow cannot see the point of eating leaves. It has even reached the point where I've considered seeing a hypnotist, in the hope that s/he might be able to reprogramme me to think that leaves and peppers (to which I am borderline allergic - not enough to be sick, just enough to be uncomfortable and therefore cranky for up to a full day after eating them) taste like chocolate. Wouldn't that make an enormous amount of sense? Intellectually, if not physiologically - I'm sure that what chocolate does to the body is not entirely in the mind. And therefore I'd still be craving something else after snacking on leaves.

Long story short (well - shorter) - I actually love vegetables. But only when I prepare them myself. This makes me weird? I don't care. For this 30 Before 30 insanity, I decided that it would be only good and proper to come to terms with 5 new vegetables - a) in order to have something to say to Ms. X, and b) because I'm interested.

I did a vague search on the interweb to find something like a 'Top 10 Healthiest Vegetables' list. (Y'all know how much I love taxonomies and lists...)

What I found was more of a Top 10 healthiest KINDS of vegetables. So, I've taken one from each list and developed a nice recipe for each. These top ten include relatively familiar vegetables - I cannot in good conscience say that learning to cook carrots was 'something new' for me - but what I did WITH them certainly was.

[I am blogging about cooking vegetables. Where are the Four Horsemen???]

1- Cruciferous Vegetables

I cooked broccoli. I steam it and serve it with fresh lemon juice and capers. The Mexican also taught me a recipe to make with broccoli stalks (the bit that you normally try to remove at the shop, or else feel that you're being cheated when it's sold by weight...)

I even ordered cauliflower in a restaurant recently!

2- Carrots

No real innovation here - they are my favourite vegetable. I don't like them raw (unless accompanied by mandarins and balsamic vinegar) but any other way is great. I got an immersion blender for Christmas and have used it to make a variety of soups since, but the best so far has been my version of a carrot and coriander soup. Delicious. And dirt cheap!!

3- Dark Green Leafy Vegetables

The majority of items on this list don't inspire me much, they being leaves, but I love spinach. Again, cooked with some lemon. Baking it in filo a la grecque isn't really in line with the whole self-improving notion of this post, but the fact remains that spanakopita is the best (only?!) way to enjoy spinach. As for collard greens - I shall wait until I visit Savannah and have a Deen cook it for me. I'm sure it's best with butter.

4- Tomatoes

Again, not exactly foreign to me - although tomato soup is the next thing on my agenda. I also love making stuffed tomatoes - also a Greek recipe! I bought some heirloom tomatoes recently for the rataouille I made at Christmas. They were almost too beautiful to chop!

5- Beans and Peas

What to say? Beans are such a broad range of things. I like some, not others. Peas - best with miso.

6- Asparagus

Antoher likely soup candidate in the near future. Also great izakaya-style, wrapped in bacon and served with beers, tofu, fish, all that good stuff.

7- "Allium Foods"

I think this means onions, shallots, scallions, garlic etc. These have all become staples of my cooking - none moreso than garlic - since I went 'foodie', so they can all go on the list. I'm not a very big fan of shallots, which taste somehow stronger to me than regular onions, but they were a hit with my maple candied sweet potatoes at Christmas....

8 - Bell Peppers

Non-negotiable. I won't eat them raw. But they improve so much with cooking that I'm being adventurous. I had a chile rilleno at a Oaxacan restaurant recently, and thanks to the advice of Marcella Valladollid, I'm trying some new Mexican recipes, which clearly demand peppers galore. But gently. Pass the Tums.

9- Sweet Potatoes

Side dish triumph! The whole US thing of serving these with marshmallows I find rather gross, but they are really good baked and fried and served as a savoury piece. And easy to prepare!!

10 - Squash

I am using the ratatouille here again. It had aubergine, courgette, yellow squash in it, so covers all the items under this rubric. And turned out rather well, by all accounts.

Wow. I have overachieved with my vegetable enthusiasm. I set out to aim for 5 new ones. I have managed over 10. Chocolate comes from beans. Making it a vegetable too. Win win.

Wild Card Wednesday - PUBLIC SPEAKING

I have never read much by Fran Lebowitz, other than pithy and amusing quotations in collections of wit and one-liners. Sitting in a hotel in Las Vegas over Thanksgiving, I saw commercials on HBO for a new special - directed by Martin Scorsese, no less - that promised all the usual 'rare insights' and so on into the life of this amusing and acerbic humorist. So needless to say I've been trying to get a look at it since.

Thankfully, it doesn't disappoint - she's right, she's judgemental, she's unapologetic, and she's pretty damn cool. Of course writing this I am fully aware that she doesn't give a damn what I say, but I very much enjoyed what SHE said. Check it out.